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Havana

... the Manslayer.

12/23/06 10:10 pm - Another obscure post, yay!

Shef's birthday turned out splendid, I am glad I could make it a good one this year.


Y'know, I wish that it was easier than this. There are few things I really want to be sure of in the future; I feel that spontaneity and randomness gives life its flavor, but I really wish I was sure of .... It. If we're gonna be okay. If It's going to be okay. If I'm going to be okay. I really want to know ... I feel pressed for time and yet I don't; take it slow and easy, right? But is there a way back? Will there be a way back? How can I be sure if It's even there? That It is not just some miscalculation of the mind? Not to say that I don't think It is what it is .. but what if we're both wrong?

Hmmm. So many what-ifs.

Well. It's not like a decision must be made by next week.

Nice and slow,right? Nice and slow.

< /obscurity >

I am mad at myself because I did not study OR go to class yesterday but instead, slept and fooled around ( Not like thaaat, ya pervies! ). Grrrr. I am a malfunctioning Asian.

12/23/06 10:10 pm - Detour ..

Aaargh ... I may have to move to a new journal soon ... >_<;; My account is SOOO messed up. I cannot modify my journal, it erases my interests every time I try to add them, and it keeps posting my entries for December 23, 2006!! And most of all, my SISTER'S getting a LJ! AAARGH~ So I will be moving soon. Sorry, guys. ^^; I know that re-adding people can be a hassle ... I will post my new journal when I make it. Actually. Can someone (::cough:: Mar? Sam? KT?) make my journal pretty for meee? ^__^;

12/23/06 10:10 pm - Photo post.

Yay! I am updating .. with PHOTOS!

Image hosting by Photobucket

Onward, men! (21 pics, 320x240)Collapse )

12/23/06 10:10 pm - Random thoughts ..

Meant to make this Quote of the Day some time ago ... even though ... it's not really a ritual for me .. XD

Quote of the Day
Me: "Ooo, we have the whole house to ourselves ... OMG IRON GIANT IS ON!!!11"
Shef: "DAMN IRON GIANT, STEALING MY POOTIE-TANG!"


I LMAO everytime I remember this. XD

12/23/06 10:10 pm

Ah great.

Depression.

12/23/06 10:10 pm - ::waves white flag::

Welp, I have decided.

I am going to surrender and ... ::sigh:: Stay home for yet another year.

It's mainly because of money issues, as elaborated in my previous posts and even if I do somehow manage to be able to get a job that will pay me enough to get by somehow, I REALLY do not want to live paycheck to paycheck, getting by by the skin of my teeth, you know? it's soo stressful and my first priority IS school. If I let housing problems preoccupy my mind, how will that affect my grades? Plus, Shef sort of brought into the light the potential emotional consequences of just getting up and moving out, which I stayed up all night worrying about and crying over. I mean, no matter how desparate I AM about living on my own, I don't want to just leave my family behind like that, if not my mom, then certainly my father and siblings. Perhaps Thanh will move in before the next schoolyear starts. I sure hope so. But you know, life is what you make of it and I am going to try not to be miserable. I suppose it could be worse. I just wish that I could stay out later and that my privacy would stop being invaded upon and scrutinized. I want to wear my clubbing dress. ::pout:: Oh well.

After my next year,I will be transferring to GSU since my major is available there and well, then I WILL have to move out, won't I? But until then, I'll just have to ... hang on a bit longer.

The thing that gets me is that I seem to always have to be patient and sometimes, it seems like there is NO trace of light coming from the other side whatsover ... like hope and optimism is pointless and that trying is not even worth it.

Well, I suppose patience is nto always endless. I mean, I did win Shef at the end of my romantic endeavors and he turned out to be a better prize than I could have ever imagined, didn't I?

So maybe it won't be that bad after all.

12/23/06 10:10 pm - Stolen from Mar.

Complete the sentence.
Bold the question.

1. If there is one thing I can’t stand it's: Jered having my privacy intruded upon.
2. I love it when my friends: and I are all having a good time together.
3. My boyfriend/girlfriend is: my soulmate, no question about it. *^^* He is also working all week! :;dies:: XP
4. My best friend is: Josh, because he's such a sweetheart and he always makes me laugh.
5. I love my family because: they're there for me and also have the tendency to make me laugh. 'Cept my mom.
6. When I first met my best friend: we were laughing at Daniel's expense on a feild trip to the High Art Museum.
7. I’ve never won the game: "Who Has The Biggest Penis." :[

Read more...Collapse )

Y'know, I kinda miss talking to Mar. We should email each other or something, I mean, the only way I ever get to read abotu what's going on in your life is by hacking into Amber's GJ account ( Don't worry, Amber, I never do anything to your journal. :D ) and going to yours. It's not quite fair that you get to read my LJ but I don't get to read yours, ne? ;x We have so much to catch up on. ^^

I've been feeling kinda better. :) Shef and I watched Spirited Away, which is simply amazing. We also had awesome nachos. And we went to a sex shop with Devon and laughed at horrendous, scary porn. And he got wildly belligerent with some rednecks while we were driving, which kinda .... made me panic a bit. ^_^;;

I am stuck here at school until 9:00. I really need to catch up on studying and do my science lab ...

Why do I feel so tiiired?

By the way, Mar, email me at malicablacke@cs.com or comment with your address. ^^

12/23/06 10:10 pm

Augh. Two hours of TRYING to find apartments online= exhausting.

It seems pretty dismal, still. I may just stop.

12/23/06 10:10 pm - Early morning ponderings.

I may not be able to move out after all ...

Meh. It's sort of depressing, really. I wonder why I let myself get optimistic sometimes. It seems to do nothing but let me down sometimes. I really want to move out; I don't think anyone really understands how much I want to move out. I'm tired of living here; I've been so irritable and easily depressive. I feel dismay and lethargy having to be tethered to this place. I want out but it seems hopeless. I WOULD take up on Slash's offer but school is a higher priority than moving out for me ... he lives so far out there. :| I'd move into Tray's and Eric's but how do I just move out without telling my siblings or my dad where the heck I'll be? I doubt they'd let me move to their house ... I mean, I suppose it doesn't matter what they think because I CAN move out ... but I mean, I don't want to abandon my family. And I don't want my dad or my sibs to worry about me so much.

I could just get a dorm ... but I'm afraid of loans. And if I get the Pell Grant, I don't want to spend over half of it on a dorm. Plus, I want roommates who won't mind Shef's presence too much ... I'm sure Craig or even Mercedes won't mind terribly, but it would be nice if we had a place of our own ... or shared a place with another [tolerant] couple. Gaaah, well, we're not sure if our plan hasn't completely fallen through, yet ... but there is little room for hope. Nyeh.

Also, I don't want to live a live where I live from paycheck to paycheck, scraping by rent by the skin of my teeth. I know moving out and living on my own will be difficult but I don't want THAT kind of stress. School causes enough of it and if I'm already sprouting grey hairs ...

Maybe I can ask Kevin about that job .. perhaps he can hook one of us up.

Damn it, I want to move out.

I have an 11:00 class tommorow and I have no way of getting there.

I shouldn't stay up anymore. I never go to sleep happy.

12/23/06 10:10 pm - Stolen from hade_kun

1. name: Havana
2. birthday: July 4
3. place of residence: Georgia
4. what makes you happy: Hanging out with friends and being with Shef. *^^*
5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last: The new Naruto ending. LOVES!
6. do you read my lj: Yep! ^^ Well, whenever I get online, anyhow.
7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it: It is good because it is yours. It is bad because ... erm ... well, what IS bad about a journal?
8. an interesting fact about you: MY LEGS HURT! :D
9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment: Hells yeah! ^_^
10. favourite place to be: In Shef's bed AT SCHOOL I AM A GOOD KID
11. favourite lyric: Hmmm ..
12. best time of the year: Mating season!

RECOMMEND
1. a film: A History of Violence.
2. a book: Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
3. a band, a song and an album: I have been so behind on music.

PLUS
1. one thing you like about me: You are hilarious and fun to get giddy with.
2. two things you like about yourself: I like my ability to sympathise and my gifted ass. MODESTY WINS!
3. put this in your lj so i can tell you what i think of you.
4. POST A PICTURE OF SOMETHING:



I am in a weird mood. Maybe from standing six hours straight.

Yep, today was my first day of work and my legs are wicked tired. The manager is the quintessence of bitch but she gets out of my way, so I'll get out of hers. It's only for three weeks so hallejujah. I have my first two classes of the semester at 6:30 tonight: art and philosophy! How Greek! ^_^ I can't wait. I'm determined to EXCELLLL this semester.

Today, Shef came by to drop a little care package for me, how sweet. :D I wanted to take Drawing I this semester but I think that will have to wait until summer. :\

We must move out this summer, home is driving me so crazy. @_@;;; At least this job will tuck away a of money into our savings ...
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